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100 WC #Week 29 – Scarlett

03 May

She ran through the corridors of the stone castle. The glass bottle slipped through her sweaty hand , falling to the floor. A cascade of pink roses wafted past her nose. Picking up the stained label, she carried on sprinting to the open door. Reading and noisily panting she read aloud the label “Marvellous Medicine Mixture, For People in terrible danger.” Spreading out her wings she focused on the high hedge ahead of her, she quickened her pace then leaving on the ground she flew into the night sky, filled with stars staring down on the fields she had lived in all her life.

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8 Comments

Posted by on May 3, 2012 in Information

 

8 responses to “100 WC #Week 29 – Scarlett

  1. Rugile

    May 3, 2012 at 1:41 pm

    Hi Scarlett! Love your writing!
    I also like your alliteration! 😀
    Rugile (year 5)

     
  2. Kasim

    May 3, 2012 at 2:34 pm

    Wow Scarlett! Your 100 word challenge was amazing. You used fantastic sentence openers which include Ing words ly words and also adjectives. And you used reporting clause at the beggining which is part of dialogue (speech). I think that you are an awesome writer and should become one when your older.
    Keep the good work up!

     
  3. mrcobbsclass

    May 3, 2012 at 7:57 pm

    Well done Scarlett. I can see you used the adverb noisily in the opening of a sentence – perhaps you could have followed it with a comma to allow the reader to pause. I really like “A cascade of pink roses wafted past her nose”, it really gives you the impression of the rose fragrance hitting the girls nose. Keep it up and have a go next week too.

     
  4. Joab and Ezekial

    May 4, 2012 at 1:35 am

    If this is a story opener, it really makes us want to read more. Maybe you could read it out aloud to yourself so that when you pause, you can put a comma. Welove the way you appealed to all our senses.

     
  5. Anonymous

    May 4, 2012 at 2:17 am

    wow you are a great writer the story is so well put iloved it keep up the good work
    paris

     
  6. Mrs Halford Team 100WC

    May 4, 2012 at 10:30 am

    Hi Scarlett, this is a super piece of writing. I especially liked how your character had wings as it gave the whole piece a beautifully mysterious feel. I can tell that you have been working on varying your sentence starts- well done. Be sure to read your work through very carefully to check for punctuation and sense. (Your last sentence has a lot going on it in; with some punctuation and word order changes it could be even better )
    Keep on writing; you have very creative ideas.

     
  7. ellie

    May 4, 2012 at 11:47 am

    Hi scarlet I think your piece of work is super and you have a very amazing ahead of you.

     
  8. Ms Woodgate(Team 100WC)

    May 9, 2012 at 1:04 pm

    Hello Scarlet,
    This is a lovely piece of writing, you have used interesting vocabulary and good sentence openers. You have really created a good descriptive passage for this week’s 100WC. It is worth thinking about using different punctuation, could you have included a question?
    Kepp up the great work .

     

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