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The Storm

16 Nov

We’ve had some great writing in our class based on the storm in Wreck of the Zanzibar. Have a look at the example below and see what you think. What does this author do well, what could they do next time to improve it, and what bit really impressed you? Add your thoughts as comments, then perhaps watch the video below and come up with your own storm inspired sentence.

I looked out of the window, the rain poured down and the waves crashed all around me. It was like a bolder had fallen out of the sky and made the sea fly up like a volcano. The wind howled like a wolf at the full moon. I took a step closer…

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47 Comments

Posted by on November 16, 2011 in Information

 

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47 responses to “The Storm

  1. ag hc

    November 16, 2011 at 2:33 pm

    What a great bit of descriptive writing we thought it was very good we ecspecially like the bit “The wind howled like a wolf at the full moon”.

    Our wish is a bit more writing, otherwise fantastic!

     
  2. KH

    November 16, 2011 at 2:34 pm

    I really liked the bit the waves crashed all around me.It was a really good peice of righting

     
  3. Ls Ta

    November 16, 2011 at 2:35 pm

    Good discription ‘It was like a bolder had fallen out of the sky and made the sea fly up like a volcano.’

     
  4. Rc The Great

    November 16, 2011 at 2:36 pm

    ๐Ÿ˜€ Star- You hve used some brilliant description in this piece of writing such as ‘ The wind howled like a wolf at the full moon’
    ๐Ÿ˜ฎ Wish- There is some spelling mistakes such as Bolder- Boulder.
    ๐Ÿ˜› Star- The end is a bit like a cliff hanger.

     
    • ag hc

      November 16, 2011 at 2:44 pm

      We agree on this Rufus it is a great phrase.

       
  5. SB Art Lover

    November 16, 2011 at 2:36 pm

    I really like this piece of writing.
    * It includes lots of adjectives and descriptive words.
    * There is also a good use of punctuation.
    Wish, maybe next time you could add in some words?

     
  6. SB & TS

    November 16, 2011 at 2:37 pm

    We like it where it said when the wind was howling like a wolf

     
  7. LL WH

    November 16, 2011 at 2:38 pm

    we liked the sentence, It was like a bolder had fallen out of the sky and made the sea fly up like a volcano, we think it was really good.

     
  8. Es famous singer

    November 16, 2011 at 2:39 pm

    wow Ive really enjoyed lisening to the story and i will enjoy roll playing this stoy. Like every one i like the bit The wind howled like a wolf at the full moon.

     
  9. Ls Ta

    November 16, 2011 at 2:41 pm

    The waves were crashing aganst my boat ,the waves were tossing us everywere,I felt sick

     
  10. KH

    November 16, 2011 at 2:42 pm

    the waves where crashing all around the boat it was firting.
    the boat tosted up and down side to side.

     
    • SB Art Lover

      November 16, 2011 at 2:48 pm

      I really like this piece of writing, it is extremley descriptive and even though it is short it is still AMAZING!!!

       
      • mrcobbsclass

        November 16, 2011 at 2:49 pm

        what makes it so good SB?

         
    • SB Art Lover

      November 16, 2011 at 2:50 pm

      Because it is short and snappy!

       
  11. RM KG

    November 16, 2011 at 2:42 pm

    Well Done for including descriptive words.
    Remeber to include your fellings in you piece of writing.
    I really liked the bit that you added on the end it was really good.

     
  12. am ag

    November 16, 2011 at 2:43 pm

    am:i liked it when it said “The wind howled like a wolf at the full moon”.ag:it was a AMAZING! I loved the part when it said “It was like a bolder had fallen out of the sky and made the sea fly up like a volcano”.WE THOUGHT IT WAS AWSOME!!! it needs a tincey bit more discription ๐Ÿ˜‰

     
  13. ag hc

    November 16, 2011 at 2:43 pm

    The storm tossed up boats hitting the cliffes bringing them down my window opened and a penguin flew in frozen,purple.

     
  14. Es famous singer

    November 16, 2011 at 2:43 pm

    LS what inspiered you to write that pice of writeing?

     
  15. SB Art Lover

    November 16, 2011 at 2:43 pm

    The waves crashed against the stone cold rocks as I slipped in the boat. My heart was pounding so fast. The waves were getting bigger and bigger, like mountains in a moving video clip. My eyes filled with fear and panic I grabbed the oars and rowed as if it was depending on my life, I suppose it was.

     
    • am ag

      November 16, 2011 at 2:47 pm

      cool comment

       
    • KH

      November 16, 2011 at 2:48 pm

      really good scarlett I like the bit the waves got bigger and bigger.

       
  16. Rc

    November 16, 2011 at 2:44 pm

    My Story inspired by the Lost and Found storm scene
    The boat was tossed about as the immense waves rolled and crashed around. The boy despretly tried to row away from the storm but the howling wind sucked him further into the tsnami like waves. One of the waves crashed onto the minute boat, sending it spinning out of control and knocking the boy off. All the penguin could do was watch in horror as the waves swallowed him into their never ending mouth…

    How’z that? ๐Ÿ˜›

     
    • Es famous singer

      November 16, 2011 at 2:47 pm

      Wow RC i like your pice of writeing i loved the bit One of the waves crashed onto the minute boat, sending it spinning out of control and knocking the boy off.

       
      • Rc The Great

        November 16, 2011 at 2:49 pm

        Thanks Ed. ๐Ÿ˜ฎ

         
    • am ag

      November 16, 2011 at 2:48 pm

      is that really how you spell tsnumi

       
  17. KB MK

    November 16, 2011 at 2:45 pm

    This is a really good peice of writing. The best part of this writing is ” It was like a bolder had fallen out of the sky and made the sea fly up like a volcano.”
    Maybe next time you could write about what you feel like, are you scared, exited, sad……
    We both really enjoyed reading this writing. Well done

     
  18. LC the epic

    November 16, 2011 at 2:45 pm

    It was like a bolder had fallen out of the sky and made the sea fly up like a volcano. is a really good scentence i especially liked, like a volcano, because you can actually see in your head what it looked like

     
  19. BDG EW

    November 16, 2011 at 2:45 pm

    We like the fraiz ,like a wolf at full moon, maybe you could iprove this peace of writing by using a veriaty of words.

     
  20. SB & TS

    November 16, 2011 at 2:46 pm

    we think the storm was very Good by lost and found

     
  21. NLHS

    November 16, 2011 at 2:48 pm

    I like the bits that go like this and made the sea fly up like a volcano its very destriptive but you could do not so many adjectives . and holly likes the bit that goes like this the wind howled like a wolf at full moon.but holly and natalie really like
    the rain poured down and the waves crashed all around me.WELL DONE!!!!!!!!!!!

     
  22. LL WH

    November 16, 2011 at 2:48 pm

    We came up with a little story part our selves here it is- The waves were crashing down all around me, they collapsed on the boat as I was plunged in to the dark seas, my sight was illuminated by dark blue. Suddenly I saw the jet black shilloute of a rope i grabed hold of it and immediately pulled up to the wet surface of the small fishing boat.

     
    • JL

      November 17, 2011 at 3:09 pm

      hey guys, this is really good. well done.

       
  23. ag hc

    November 16, 2011 at 2:50 pm

    that was a very good piece of writing, Henry tought “I grabbed the oars and rowed as if it was depending on my life, I suppose it was” was very good our wish is nothing great.

     
  24. Ls Ta

    November 16, 2011 at 2:50 pm

    The waves were crashing vilently on my boat. I didnt know what was going to happen to me. I fell asleep but I dont know how long!

     
  25. RM KG

    November 16, 2011 at 2:51 pm

    The immence waves flew up towering above the little boat,the strong current hit the sides of the tiny boats sides causing the paint to fade.I was soaked as the icy water came tumbling in the wooden boat.

     
  26. Rc

    November 16, 2011 at 2:51 pm

    I like lost and found because they put effort in the sorm nd when we write about it it sounds awesome

     
  27. KB MK

    November 16, 2011 at 2:53 pm

    WELL DONE !!! we both really like both this piece of writing:)

     
  28. NL,HS

    November 16, 2011 at 2:54 pm

    the small blue drops of rain thunderd past me like a herd of elephant .

     
  29. LL WH

    November 16, 2011 at 2:54 pm

    We think the bit the wind was howling like a wolf at full moon ๐Ÿ˜€

     
  30. Es famous singer

    November 16, 2011 at 2:54 pm

    i can not find god sentes for my witeing can any body give me some ideas?

     
  31. LC tech boy

    November 16, 2011 at 2:55 pm

    I was scared, the waves towerd around me. i was calling for hep but it came back……

     
  32. BDG EW

    November 16, 2011 at 2:56 pm

    The ors man pulled back into the rageing sea. The waves lashed violently against the old wooden structure. Salty water sprayed into his mouth as fish got shot into the air and came back down at full volosity.

     
  33. SH lego builder

    November 16, 2011 at 3:09 pm

    I’ve come up with my own one. Can you leave a reply to tell me how good it was and what I should improve on?

    I looked outside my window, I could see the tarentel rain hammering down onto the gound outside. I looked farther into the hurizen. then I could see the sea raging in the storm. i could see waves as large as sky-scrapers towering above me . I sat back into my chiar and fell asleep . Safe and
    sound.

     
  34. Natalie Lamont

    November 16, 2011 at 5:23 pm

    I have just watched the octopus Film and came up with some word to fit the scene . The rain slashed into the boat and suddenly a huge creature emerged from the sea bed below, its massive tentacle shot out of the dark murky sea .

     
    • mrcobbsclass

      November 16, 2011 at 9:39 pm

      Fabulous words Natalie, I really like the

      a huge creature emerged from the sea bed below, its massive tentacle shot out of the dark murky sea

      It really portrays the darkness of the sea and the shock of the sudden movement of the octopus. Well done.

       
  35. Natalie Lamont

    November 16, 2011 at 5:24 pm

    How’s that!

     
  36. Rufus :)

    October 25, 2012 at 2:22 pm

    Neat. I just wanted to have a recap on what we did and it’s so cool! I really wanted to show mum my blog comment, so if you haven’t seen it yet PLZ have a look! ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ˜€ ๐Ÿ˜› ๐Ÿ˜‰

     

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