100 WC Week 6 – KG

16 Oct

The noise was so loud my heart was thuding beating faster and faster every second. Who is it what is it all i could do was lay in bed alone.Why me why cant it be someone who deservies it. So i lay there thinking all the bad things i have done in my life. the noise became louder and louder. It sounded like last week when the car broke down it was a horrible screching noise drifting right into my bedroom suddenly BOOM! i lay under my cover then suddenly the cover was striped off of me it was …… my mum. I was so relieved.


Posted by on October 16, 2011 in Information



5 responses to “100 WC Week 6 – KG

  1. mrcobbsclass

    October 16, 2011 at 7:35 pm

    Well done, I like how you have used the idea of rhetorical questions to draw in the reader. Make sure you check through your writing next time to make sure you have included all the full-stops you need.

  2. SB

    October 17, 2011 at 9:32 am

    I think this piece of writing is really good, especially the use of repeating words like louder and louder. Maybe next time you could use some more commas.

  3. LL

    October 17, 2011 at 9:33 am

    I like how it starts off all scary but then at the end it was…my mum!

    Maybe try to remember to put CAPITALS on the I’s

    I also think that the bit when its like, my heart was thudding beating faster every second was good.

  4. Rufus199

    October 17, 2011 at 9:34 am

    I like this piece of writing, but perhaps you could use a cliffhanger at the end. (For example: then suddenly the cover was stripped off of me…) This has a lot of WOW WORDS in too!

  5. Mrs Skinner

    October 17, 2011 at 3:38 pm

    Oooo KH! What fright! What was the noise that your mum was making? I’m intrigued! Thank you so much for writing this story for the 100 WC this week.


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