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Uplevelling time

06 Oct

Over this week we have been looking at different sentence structures and have had a go at creating our own sentences based on those used in Street Child. Have a look at these sentences that were written by one of the class. What do you like about it, what works well? What would you improve next time? Can you use the 3i approach (Imitate, Innovate and Invent) to write your own sentences based on the original structure and using a Street Child setting?

Jim slipped into the street, his heart pounding. Jim lowered his head and turned around away from the workhouse.  

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11 Comments

Posted by on October 6, 2011 in Information

 

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11 responses to “Uplevelling time

  1. Ella

    October 7, 2011 at 12:24 am

    Hello M.r Cobb’s class
    I like the iead about creating your own sentences based on the word Street Child.
    I realy like looking at your blog and I let a lot reading your post’s. I ‘am looking ford to reading some more new post
    of your and the class’s
    From Ella from busy bees at the bay

     
  2. BDG

    October 7, 2011 at 9:57 am

    This is a good peace of work I like the word pounding. Maby you could improve this work by discribing the work house.

     
    • mrcobbsclass

      October 7, 2011 at 9:59 am

      How would you describe the workhouse?

       
      • BDG

        October 7, 2011 at 10:02 am

        I would of yoused something like the croocked work house.

         
      • SB KB

        October 7, 2011 at 10:03 am

        I would describe the workhouse as old, cramped, crumbling, iron bars, prison, tall, dark, scary and frightening.

         
  3. Arg

    October 7, 2011 at 9:58 am

    Nice work great sentence structure I like the bit Jim lowered his head and turned around away from the workhouse.

    Next time try to use more WoW words.

    Apart from that a good piece of work.

     
  4. SB KB

    October 7, 2011 at 9:58 am

    Wow! We really like this piece of writing. It uses a lot of good punctuation. I like his heart pounding.

     
  5. SH lego builder

    October 7, 2011 at 10:00 am

    I think that this small paragraph is a brilliant peace of work. Espesally the phraise: “His heart pounding.” Well done!
    Maybe you could think of a great simile that mean turned.

     
  6. LL

    October 7, 2011 at 10:00 am

    Good work who ever wrote this peice of work and great sentence structure I like the bit when Jim slipped into the street, his heart pounding!

    next time try to use more exciting words like Jim stealthily slipped in to the street ect.

    other wise brill! 🙂

     
  7. LL

    October 7, 2011 at 10:04 am

    you could maybe use jim casually lowered his head and turned away from the horrilble building that was the th workhouse

     
  8. rufus199

    October 9, 2011 at 11:29 am

    I think “Jim lowered his head” is boring enough.
    But the good bits are these bits: “His heart pounding” and “Slipped away”.
    (By the way, I have my own wordpress account!)

     

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