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Weir Metaphors

21 Jun

We have been looking at metaphors.  Have a look at this poem, inspired by the local weir, we wrote in the plenary today.  What do you think? Would you make any changes to the metaphors?

The reeds are the pure white moon against the nights sky of the water.

The algae is a lime green blanket resting on the sparkling water.

The great curves of the water are big icicles hanging off the concrete brink.

The iris leaves are green flames rising from the murky abyss.

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41 Comments

Posted by on June 21, 2011 in Information

 

41 responses to “Weir Metaphors

  1. ST

    June 21, 2011 at 1:24 pm

    I think the The great curves of the water are big icicles hanging off the… is a really good metaphor but I think you could descibe the concrete as well

     
    • mrcobbsclass

      June 21, 2011 at 1:24 pm

      How would you describe the concrete then?

       
  2. ST

    June 21, 2011 at 1:26 pm

    The rusty concrete or look for something in the thesaurus 🙂

     
  3. LL

    June 21, 2011 at 1:27 pm

    I like the blanket one – its good but it would be way better if he described it abit more but other wise I like the blanket Idea and the floating on the water 🙂 🙂 🙂 ;(

     
  4. Tc

    June 21, 2011 at 1:28 pm

    I like the algae one becuse i can picture the blanket of algae.

    I am not to keen on the first one because the weeds not white like the moon, but i like the rest.

    I really like the last one because it makes you fell like it is true with the green flames rising up it really grabbs my attenion, if it was in a book i would want to carry on reading.

     
  5. BDG

    June 21, 2011 at 1:29 pm

    I like the last metaphor and 2nd to 1st metaphor because they have lot’s of imageination put in them .

     
    • mrcobbsclass

      June 21, 2011 at 1:29 pm

      What makes them a good metaphor?

       
    • Tc

      June 21, 2011 at 1:31 pm

      Why them two BDG?

       
  6. bc

    June 21, 2011 at 1:30 pm

    I think that meatherphors are great ways to dicribe things like the one bride did the algea is a green blanket 🙂 but she could of put more stuff to dsiuscribe it

     
  7. SB

    June 21, 2011 at 1:30 pm

    I think their all really good! They definetly describe the weir.
    Maybe you could describe the word “Iris,” perhaps what colour it is?
    Also the word “big” is commonly used.

     
  8. MW LH

    June 21, 2011 at 1:30 pm

    The algae is a lime green blanket resting on the sparkling water.

    I think this is a great line but you could look at a Thesaurus to desscrib the Blanket a bit more.

     
  9. TJ

    June 21, 2011 at 1:30 pm

    I like the first verse because you were emphasising the subject and you have used good description but I think it needs to be longer. 🙂

     
  10. JH

    June 21, 2011 at 1:30 pm

    The algae is a lime green blanket resting on the sparkling water.

    I like this one because lime green realy describes the couller that it is
    and the sparkling water.

     
  11. IG

    June 21, 2011 at 1:31 pm

    I think that the second one could probabely be improved. for example: The slender reeds are the milky-white moon against the ink-black midnight sky of the clear water.
    I really like the third one because I can imagine it vividly!! 🙂

     
  12. hhes

    June 21, 2011 at 1:32 pm

    I like the first metefor because it realy describes how the reeds stand out against the weir 🙂

     
  13. LL

    June 21, 2011 at 1:32 pm

    I think that these poems are great because they describe the seen realy well,for instense the algae is a lime green blanket resting on the sparkerling water rather than just the algae was resting on the water.:)

     
  14. lc

    June 21, 2011 at 1:33 pm

    I think EW’s The great curves of the water are big icicles hanging off the concrete brink is

     
  15. cp

    June 21, 2011 at 1:33 pm

    I think the “the iris leaves are green flames rising from the murky abyss” is a really good one because the murky abyss bit is really discriptive. I don’t think “The reeds are the pure white moon against the nights sky of the water” is to good because it’s kind of comfusing.:)

     
  16. Ef

    June 21, 2011 at 1:58 pm

    I really like all of it but the frist one it is the best but all of them are really.

    The only thing they need to make it better is the one what is
    The great curves of the water are big icicles hanging off the concrete brink because it dose not go with seen

     
  17. BDG

    June 21, 2011 at 1:59 pm

    The reeds are the pure white moon against the night sky.
    I like the idea of ” the pure white moon”.
    I think the ”night sky” should be changed to”starry nigt sky”.
    The algae is a lime green blanket resting on the sparkling water.
    I like the ”lime green blanket”

     
  18. Es

    June 21, 2011 at 2:00 pm

    I think the best poem is The great curves of the water are big icicles hanging off the concrete brink.

    What i like about this is i like the word brink and icicles its a good word to discribe something.

     
  19. BK

    June 21, 2011 at 2:05 pm

    I really like the iris leaves one beacause it has a lot of description and that it really fits with it beacause the leaves do come up like a flame.

    I like the reeds one because it described the diffrences

    I like all of them!

     
  20. Ezra

    June 23, 2011 at 9:17 am

    Hi its ezra from wps and i think that your one about the iris leavs rising from the murky abyss…genius! Nice job!!!

     
  21. tim

    June 23, 2011 at 9:22 am

    the algae is a lime green blanket resting on the sparling water. because its got detail and i thought blanket meant soft and comforting but i guess its a mataphor so it can be used asa a bad thing because algae is bad right?

     
  22. Sophie

    June 23, 2011 at 9:22 am

    I like the final one it is such a good metaphor! Here is one that I thought of! The algea is a racing car speeding furiously down the weir!

     
  23. Ezra

    June 23, 2011 at 9:24 am

    And hers one of my own sudgestions: The rocky steps are cloaked in a aqua shield. Hope you liked it!

     
  24. lily

    June 23, 2011 at 9:25 am

    I absolutely loved the; the iris leaves are green flames rising from the murky abyss.

     
  25. Shazia

    June 23, 2011 at 9:27 am

    Your metaphors are brilliant, I especially like the warm green blanket of Algae, What do you think of mine, I hope you like them:

    The water is the gentle flowing of the niagra falls, (the mini niagra falls)

    I tried my best and I hope you like them!

     
  26. charlie :-) ;)

    June 23, 2011 at 9:28 am

    Wow, these are great! What about… The reeds are trees waving in the breeze over the field of lush green algae. 😉 🙂

     
  27. lily

    June 23, 2011 at 9:30 am

    Here is a metaphore; The moon is a siver ball of light reflecting off the shimmering running river

     
  28. abi

    June 23, 2011 at 9:31 am

    I think these are fantastic metaphors I especially like the one about the algae being a blanket it is a fantastic idea. here is one of my own: The wier is a mirror gazing at me.

    By Abi from werrington primary school.

     
  29. lily

    June 23, 2011 at 9:31 am

    The river cascades down the winding road.

     
  30. TC

    June 23, 2011 at 2:13 pm

    Here is a metaphor i made up:

    The frothy water bubbles at the bottom of the weir is a moon lit river slowing down as the wind stops to go to sleep.

     
  31. SB

    June 23, 2011 at 2:15 pm

    I think they’re all really good, but my favourite one is definitley ….
    The reeds are the pure white moon against the nights sky of the water.
    Because it uses the phrase “Pure white moon.”

     
  32. Ef

    June 23, 2011 at 2:16 pm

    i love all of them but the best one was reds and yellows one

     
  33. Tiegan

    June 23, 2011 at 2:17 pm

    I love your poems it relly makes me feel like i am there.

    I expecily like the iris leaves one

     
  34. Lh

    June 23, 2011 at 2:18 pm

    I like the four seasons. the wier and along the river bank the where all very good

     
  35. KB

    June 23, 2011 at 2:19 pm

    The reeds are the pure white moon against the nights sky of the water.
    I like the ”pure white moon against the night sky of the water”.
    I think it could be ” the lime green reeds against the night sky of the water”

     
  36. lcJH

    June 23, 2011 at 2:23 pm

    The iris leaves are green flames rising from the murky abyss.

    we like the all the descriptive words especely abyss

     
  37. bdg

    June 23, 2011 at 2:26 pm

    awsome metophores realy good words and good amagination

     
  38. KS

    June 23, 2011 at 2:33 pm

    Here is a meterfore: The sun is a golden orb floating above a mirror.

     

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